God’s Love

God is Calling Me

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God’s Beauty is Everywhere

Where have I been for the past 4 years?  I believe my last post was September 2019.  During 2019 my posting was sparse, and I finally let it go for another endeavor which I will share here.  At the beginning of 2019, I retired from my job of 28 years which I loved so much.  It was a hard decision but my husband and I purchased a Power Catamaran in April, 2018 and we made plans to travel through the Caribbean.  We spend 2019 getting to know our boat, selling our home, and putting minimal into storage.  By the end of 2019 we were ready to go!  We headed to the Bahamas first.  So beautiful, so special, and I could see God’s beauty and love all around me.  As we traveled I began another blog and video blog of our travels.  All of this can be found on our website www.solmatesjourney.com. This was a huge project and I stayed behind.  But family and friends wanted to see what we were doing.  

Covid hit, early 2020 and kept us from going any further, so back to the US we came.  We spend the next year around Florida and the Keys.  We became grandparents and then the world slowly began to open in 2022 but the islands were just too irregular to start that way, so I am in Mexico!  I have been working really hard to catch up on the travel videos and blog ( which I am not but getting so close)  so I am going to try and take back a little piece of my passion which was writing and sharing how God continues to bless me.  I feel God calling my back to this.  I will not post weekly but will try to be more consistent to get back in this groove.  God has blessed me beyond what I deserve and I feel his tug. As I look back I have a few drafts that I saved, so I will revisit those and hopefully get these up as he speaks. God Bless

May God have all the Glory, Always.

May I learn to be fishers of men

Bible Verse: “How Sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” Psalm 119:103

Two things combined have me deeper and closer to him right now and is drawing me back to his word and this blog once again.  

First, My daughter gave me the study of Elijah by Priscilla Shirer for Christmas, and finally I was able to get started.  I am moving through the book slower than laid out but it is causing so much deep thinking about my life and the world around me.  I am digging into His word and hearing the words as they connect to this world.  One it scares me some, but two I am driven to learn and dig deeper knowing that I must walk to a different beat than the world and that may not always be easy, but Abba will walk with me.  I am not finished yet, but this walk with Elijah is teaching me so much not just about me and Elijah but others in the Bible and their walk.  Connections that I have not made in scripture before are being made and opening my eyes.  I am sure that I will write ever more about Elijah as I walk through may own Cherith and Zarphath.  (1 Kings 17)

Second,   I started watching the series The Chosen about Christ.  Some may not approve of the liberties taken to create this series, but I like it and yes I have questions, but seeing the stories and connection to the old testament as well as how Jesus changed the world as help to connect me once again to his word.  The absurdity watching the Pharisees care so much about rules and laws but not people.  But, I have to remember that not all Pharisees were this way. How did God’s people come to this?  How did those of such importance to God at one time become so selfish and rich and chose to care so little for what was happening in the world around them.  It is so hard to believe, but then the series takes me back and I see that God’s people are usually one to two generations away from leaving God behind for the world and other gods.  This again scares me, but I know that I must walk even stronger and closer to my Abba and love all people so that my light for him will shine to others. The Chosen has challenged me to dig even deeper into the Gospels and what lies there and how they were written.  How did Jesus choose to call his disciples and go where he went.  His time was short but purposeful and planned by his Abba.  

So I will close with the prayer I prayed this morning which is from scripture:

“We acknowledge our wickedness, O Lord, and the iniquity of our fathers, for we have sinned against you. Do not spurn us, for your name’s sake; do not dishonor your glorious throne; remember and do not break your covenant with us. Are there any among the false gods of the nations that can bring rain? or can the heavens give showers? Are you not he, O Lord our God? We set our hope on you, for you do all these things.” Jeremiah 14: 20-22

Amen

Voice of Truth

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Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes

To climb out of this boat I’m in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He’s holding out His hand

Another blog post visiting an old song favorite.  I have been doing this devotional study on marriage.  I just finished up this section on fighting together.  That topic might be for another post in the future, but part of the devotion discussed God being the third party in our marriage. That if I listen to him I or (we) will be unburdened and our marriage will become stronger.  As I read this section, which I enjoyed since fighting is not a specialty I have in my marriage this song just seem to come to mind again.  Allowing God into our marriage intimately and closely can be stepping out of our comfort zone into the unknown since we really love to be in control of our lives.  Scripture does remind us that God can make it easier and our burdens lighter if we join him even in our marriage.  “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:30.

But the waves are calling out my name

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times

I’ve tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again. ‘Boy, you’ll never win!’

‘You’ll never win!’

Although, I have failed many times in my life and know that feeling the fear of failure and how it will affect my life is just daunting to take the step out of the boat and trust in God.  Yet, I know that God is with me and holding me as I make that leap onto the water.  I Corinthians 10:13 makes this promise, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”  Temptation or failure.  God will be there and not allow more than I can handle.  So bringing God close to my marriage and allowing him to see me more deeply even though I know he already sees all.  The scripture also ensures that God is on my side or the side of my marriage vow.  “What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

Chorus:

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says, ‘Do not be afraid!’

The voice of truth says, ‘This is for My glory’

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

If I stop and listen, I hear God’s voice telling me to that my marriage and life will be stronger and more fulfilling if he is in the center.  I hear him telling me to reach out and grab hold of his love and promises.  As long as I have God first he will be glorified. I believe that God will be glorified in my marriage because  he can show me the way to honor and glorified him in all that I do.  “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”, 1 Corinthians 10:31.

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant

With just a sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors

Shaking in their armor

Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand

But the giant’s calling out my name

And he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times

I’ve tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me

Time and time again. ‘Boy you’ll never win!’

‘You’ll never win!’

Do you hear the giant laughing,  I have heard the giant laughing at me, but I feel the strength of God telling me that I can take the next step in my life and my marriage will be stronger for it.  I can be David before what seems like Goliath!  “Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.” 1 Samuel 17:45.  I walk in the name of the Lord and he will be by my side, so I look to the future may God show me his path that I might glorify him.

But the stone was just the right size

To put the giant on the ground

And the waves they don’t seem so high

From on top of them lookin’ down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I choose to listen and believe the voice of truth, the voice of my Father and his son Jesus Christ. I will not let my heart worry and my love for him be distracted in this world, but I will know that God is in control.  “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1.  I will find my strength in the Lord on his wings.  “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31.  I will bring God to the center of my life and my marriage.  

Closing Verse: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

Challenge:  Is God’s Voice of Truth your Center?

Count Your Blessings, Name Them One By One.

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Count Your Blessings

Just as I have said in an earlier post about this song sometimes a song just has impact and this one continues to linger with me as I live in a world of turmoil.  We all need to Count our Blessings.  So bear with me as I explore this song once again.  

Just as I have said in an earlier post about this song sometimes a song just has impact and this one continues to linger with me as I live in a world of turmoil.  We all need to Count our Blessings.  So bear with me as I explore this song once again.  

Count Your Blessing

Rend Collective

I was blind, now I’m seeing in color

I was dead, now I’m living forever

I had failed, but you were my redeemer

I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

Blessed

If there is one thing I am fully aware of is that I am blessed.  God has given me the time to focus on Him and all he has provided for me.    “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”  James 1:17.   God is Good, and through all his blessings for me he still is asking me to really look and appreciate all that is around me.  Maybe the words “I was blind and now I see in color” reflect one being saved, for me I really see the colors of God’s world.  I see what is important.  I am living and want to continue to live both here and forever with you.  “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,” 1 Peter 5:6.

Treasure

I was lost, now I’m found by the father

I’ve been changed from a ruin to treasure

I’ve been given a hope and a future

I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing

Letting go and trusting when I cannot see

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing

Surely every season you are good to me

Oh, you are good to me

Oh, you are good to me

God is showing me the treasures he has stored up for me.  “Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys.” Luke 12:33.  I want to focus more on trying to live out this verse.  How do I live for God in order to experience God more and have less to distract me from His Grace and Glory all around me.  He is allowing me to taste heaven here on earth, and I am thirsty for more.  I want to experience more of his beauty and grace.  I want to not just count my blessing but enjoy my blessings.  Luke 12:34 states it best, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Strength

You were there in the valley of shadows

You were there in the depth of my sorrows

You’re my strength, my hope for tomorrow

I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing

Letting go and trusting when I cannot see

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing

Surely every season you are good to me

Oh, you are good to me

Oh, you are good to me

I have walked through valleys and across mountain tops and I know that my life will be filled with both.  Yet, I have hope in God’s strength, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”  Philippians 4:13.  As I walk through the life God is giving me and count the many blessings, I know that I continue to need his strength to make decisions to walk his path.  I know that the only strength I can rely on is that which the Lord provides.  Listening to this song, I feel my Lord’s strength which I will need and promised to me in  1 Chronicles 16:11, “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”

Surely your goodness pursues me

Surely your heart is still for me

I will remember your mercies all my days

Through every storm and gale

Closing Verse: “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31.

Challenge:  Count Your Blessings

Songwriters: Gareth Gilkeson / Chris Llewellyn / Bridget Herron / Ali Gilkeson / Will Herron / Steve Mitchell / Patrick Thompson

Counting Every Blessing lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Good Good Father

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Thanking my Father

 In such a turbulant world that seems to be full of people who are unable to accept each other and their differences more than ever today, I find God’s Word a comfort. I read a devotion this morning about how the things we believe are important, even the fights with have with others are not always honoring to God because it is trivial. I stop and think about fights my husband and I have had and were they worth the effort when we could have been glorifying God with our actions. All that is important is sharing our life and our Lord with others. For some reason reading this brought the song Good, Good Father by Chris Tomlin to my mind. I find that God is where all the answers really lie.  “But test everything; hold fast what is good.”  1 Thessalonians 5:21.

I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
But I’ve heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone

Searching for Answers

I walk in a world that can seem fatherless. I walk in a world where so many people are seeking something, but have no idea why they feel empty. I pray that I can be an example of God’s joy and a light for someone’s path. I pray that those who need a Good, Good Father may find the peace of God sooner in their lives.  “May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.”  Jude 1:2.

I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
‘Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word

You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you                                                                                                                     It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Love Speaks Louder Than Words

Thinking back on my devotion. May I choose the words from my tongue carefully and the expressions from my face in order that God shines through and not my flesh. May Love speak louder than words through my actions. As a former educator, I used to watch students walk through a day with little love in their eyes and in their lives, I knew that I might be the only person to call their name or smile at them that day.  This is a reality for many children. 1 John 3:1 “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”   Oh, it’s love so undeniable
   

I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
Into love, love, love   Because you are perfect in all of your way                  You are perfect in all of your ways                                                                          You are perfect in all of your ways to us  

You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

Closing Verse:

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    Challenge:  Share the Good Father with those who need Him.            

Addiction is a Worship Problem

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Addiction

As I work my way through a devotion on self image, one morning this line just stuck with me Addiction is a Worship problem. Suddenly I realize that it really is a worship problem for me because I fail to allow Christ and worshipping him to become my addiction in life. If I could center on him then all would probably fall into alignment in my life the way God desires for me. It should be embarrassing to type such lines because devoting to him should be so easy, but I know that this life turns me away from him so easily each day. Scripture assures me that God will not tempt me without providing a means to escape from the worldly temptation , yet I fail regularly to become totally addicted to Him. “ No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Temptation

This leads me to wonder where temptation and addiction comes from because deep down I do not want to believe it is my sinful nature, but scripture once again shows me my weakness. ‘But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” James 1:14. The realization of the first sin burns deep within me and it is a fight that I can only hope to win with Christ by my side. “Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—“ Romans 5:12. As the devil prowls the earth filled with sinful men, I must be cautious of how he uses my eyes, my words, my hands, my whole being to be tempted towards addictions that are not Worshipping my Savior. “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.” 1 John 2:16. And “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8.

Worship

What I have learned is that I need to worship God more! I need to focus on my relationship with Christ more deeply and let this desire and love overcome any addiction that the world puts before me. “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” James 1:12-15. God is not tempting me but the world is and I must put on my shield of faith and protect my soul. “ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;” Ephesians 6:16. Protecting myself for the return of my savior and the hour of great worship and exaltation upon his return. I want my addiction to be strong when he returns. “But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4: 23-24.

Worshipping with Christ

I am preparing to worship one day with my savior just as God has promised. I am preparing for the greatest worship service of all where I will proclaim Christ and he will know my name. “Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! …” Psalm 150: 1-6.

Closing Verse: “But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.” John 4:23.

Challenge: Do you have a Worship problem? Check on your addictions.

Believing in God Through the Water

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June 30, 2017

Back in June of 2017, I wrote a post about Water(link).  This post grew out of walking along the The Riverwalk in San Antonio, Texas.  Since this post, I have spent so much time in on the water, but tonight as I looked out at this sunset near Cedar Key, Florida.  I was flooded with the peacefulness of water in God’s creation.  

Sunset on the Water

Sunsets are my favorite, but whether it is sunset or sunrise over the water it always takes my breath away.  This evening in Cedar Key was no different, but tonight my thoughts drifted to God’s creation.  The beauty of the water rippling under the sunset is a perfect example of why I believe there is a God.  Romans 1:20 reminds us that God has left no doubt in why we should believe in Him, “For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.  So they are without excuse.”  Man is without excuse, yet today we busy ourselves with the hustle and bustle that allows our lives to slip through our fingers and then is gone.  Did we see God?  Did we find God? Did we stop and smell the flowers?  Watch Sunsets?  Listen to the Water?  In a blink it is all gone.  So stop and listen to God.  Proverbs 3:6 reassures us, ” In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Sunset Challenge

If you are reading this my challenge to you is to stop reading now.  Pray.  And start looking beyond your day to day life and what you normally see and search for God in your surroundings.  Look deeper into the Water.  

Closing Verse:  “ O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”  Psalm 63:1

Challenge:  Find God in his creation ~ Don’t Miss Out!

Christmas Traditions

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This blog was first posted on December 8, 2017.   Over the next 5 weeks as the holidays and my life transitions, I will be sharing some of my favorite Christmas time post.  I hope you will enjoy these past post over the holiday and the new year – 2019 will bring a new life and new post of God’s Blessings.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Christmas Season

Christmas music is playing now everywhere I go and the lights are shining bright.  The season is here.  I want to enjoy more and stress less as Christmas day approaches.  I want to remember why we celebrate this season.  I always find myself this time of year thinking about the past. Thinking about Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my girls.  The fun, the laughs, the surprises, and most importantly the family traditions we have created together and continue to create over the years.  I believe that traditions are important for families and can be past down to the next generation.  Paul reminds me of the importance of traditions in 2 Thessalonians 2:15, “So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us, either by our spoken word or by our letter.”

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Family Traditions

My family has a few old traditions like the mouse calendar countdown to Christmas.  Our girls would almost fight to get to move the mouse each day.  They loved for the one whose turn it was to forget, so later in the day the mouse would secretly be moved. This simple purchase so many years ago has brought so much joy to our family.  Even now my husband takes pictures of Harley moving the mouse and sends it our now grown daughters.  It is a special memory and tradition in our home, and one I hope continues in the homes of our daughters one day with their children.

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Jesus Birthday Cake

Another great tradition for our family is baking Jesus’s Birthday Cake and singing Happy Birthday to him on Christmas Day.  Today my girls bake the cake and decorate the cake together instead of me, but I enjoy watching them back home together in the kitchen having fun carrying on our family tradtion.  We still gather round the cake on Christmas afternoon and sing and eat his birthday cake!  This is definitely one of my favorite Christmas memories and traditions!  “And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7

Jesus Birthday Cake
Even the Cake Decorations are important to our family.

Sharing Traditions

As an educator, I could not help but wonder about the traditions of my students, so I asked them to share favorite Christmas traditions with me on a Chalkboard in the school library.  It is special to hear them talk about the little things their families do together that are important to them.  Here are a few from this years board:

  1. Enchiladas for Breakfast on Christmas morning.  Why?  Her family is from Guatemala and this is just something her grandmother has always done.
  2. Crab Legs for Christmas Eve.  This student was super excited to share how much the night means getting to eat the crab legs!
  3. Lights.  One student just shared how much she enjoys lights and lots of lights.  She and I have that in common.
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These are just a few shared on the board and in discussions with my students.

Over the years I have heard some wonderful traditions that families share.  Some I wish I had even thought of.  Some that brought a great laugh but was still so important to the student.

  1.  One tradition that I wish I had known and started is only receiving three gifts for Christmas.  “And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh.”  Matthew 2:11
  2. Several years ago a student shared that on Christmas Eve they had to eat their meal with a different utensil from the kitchen.  This was a long family tradition and brought lots of laughter around the table.  Who knew what you would get?  How do you eat with a whisk?

The Gift of Jesus

Traditions are important in families and even school communities.  God shows us how to celebrate him Everywhere.  This is a like a tradition.  Praise the Lord in all that we do as Psalm 150:1-6 exclaims, “Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!…”

During this  Christmas season with traditions being shared and even created remembering the reason we have this season is the most important.  God loved us so much that he gave us the greatest gift of all.  He gave us His Son.  He gave us Life.  ““For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16.

Closing Verse: “Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you.”  1 Corinthians 11:2

Challenge: During this Christmas Season full of traditions don’t forget God’s traditions and gifts in your life.

Eve and Me

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I am a Sinner

Yes, I am a sinner and have always known that, but it seems even harder when God reminds me of it such as with the verse that I mentioned last week in my post The Sinner in Me, “for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God” Romans 3:23. So I fell short, I listened to the devil on my shoulder and not the angel.  I did not seek Christ as my example, so I found sin.  I allowed the devil to explain right and wrong when I knew the difference because James 4:17 tells me, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”  

Choices

I knew I was wrong because I made the choice.  Two wrongs have never made a right, yet that was the path I chose.  A path that did not allow for God’s truth to be revealed but for the devil on my shoulder to reign supreme.  “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 focuses me on the right path, the path of truth.  How did I allow this sin to override all the work I have been doing in my heart?  I have been striving to be a better person, yet I was lying to myself about who I was.  I was Eve in the garden.  Eve  according to Genesis 3:20 is the mother of all living things, “The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living”.  Yet, Eve found sin. 

Eve in the Garden

I was Eve in the garden listening to Satan and lying to Adam.  God reminded me of this example and placed it on my heart, so I study the scripture on Eve and pray that I will learn how Eve found grace in God’s eyes after bringing sin into the world.  “And Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” 1 Timothy 2:14. Eve had consequences, yet I know God blessed her as the mother of man.  “And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, “God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.” Genesis 4:25.  Yet, her sin did bring consequences.  

I stand now in Eve’s shadow and pray that I can heal the wounds that I have opened and in the words of George Santanya, “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” May I not repeat my past once again.  

Seeking Forgiveness

So how does one find healing and forgiveness in the midst of sin and hurt?  I seek it in scripture such as verses like 2 Corinthians 7:1, “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.”  Scriptures like this one should be written on my heart in order to find my way back to Christ.  I long for Christ!  “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me,” John 5: 39.

Closing Verse:  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9.

Challenge:  Seek Christ by listening to the Angel on your shoulder

The Sinner in Me

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Who Am I?

I have been writing for over a year now, but today I find myself in deep examination of who I am.  God has placed me between two verses of scripture.  I have had a glimpse into the darkness and ugliness inside of me, and I fear I am a hypocrite.  I study His Word and share His Love in my life, yet I hid from others.  I lie about who I am, I lie to those close to me by pretending I am someone I am not.

I Am a Sinner

Yes, I am a sinner and have always known that but when God placed this verse he fully reminded me of my sinfulness before I had to face my sins.

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Funny, I shared this verse out of social media because it touched me and had lots of responses and reactions to it which now is just a reminder to me of our sinful nature and how haunting it is just as God opened my eyes and exposed my own.  I am thankful and grateful for his love in opening my eyes, but I so struggle with the Why?  Why? am I hiding my sins knowing the pain it could cause.  How did I let this happen?

A Simple Prayer

I pray that God will some how bless these words from a sinner.  I don’t usually stop and pray in my writing, but I feel strongly that I need to stop and pray now.

Father, give me the wisdom and strength to shine light on my sinful nature, my lies, and the pain I have caused.  Bless these words that from within healing will come and that the truth will cleanse and make whole that which is broken through your grace and love.  Amen

Saying this prayer brings the verse that God brought to me today:

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I cling to this verse now as a goal for my life.  I am headed toward this cleansing by publicly and personally committing to cleaning myself of my flesh and moving toward more holiness.  A path I should have already taken in my life.  I will walk to this scripture knowing that God promises in Romans 8:28, “We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him.  They are the ones God has chosen for his purpose,”  I cling to these words that I am a child of God and long for Christ in my heart.

Ethics

Oh the irony of sitting in a class on Ethics and reading this quote today by George Santayana, “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”  A stabbing reminder of my ethical sins.  As I become overwhelmed and humbled by my unworthiness, I can only fall before the throne and beg for forgiveness for my reckless sins and the hurt these have caused.  I am hiding behind God instead of him living within me.  The irony continues to drip in this class as I examine my own ethics. How have I been fraudulent to those around me?  The words are painful but necessary.  I see a sinner and liar in the mirror today but tomorrow I want to see Christ.  The only way to see Christ is to seek the truth.  As I close I want to share something I really learned in this class today and that is not to just apply the Golden Rule from Matthew 7:12, “Treat others as you want them to treat you.”  but maybe just maybe we should treat others the way they need to be treated in that moment.  I need to stop and see how my sins affect others around me.  Then maybe then I can truly call myself a Christian and feel like one.  Sin is hard to bear.

Closing:  (Prayer)  My Father, may you place the words of truth on my lips and guide me to share my sin of not choosing to follow you but my flesh.  Cleanse me and bring Your Glory.  In Jesus Name I pray.  Amen

Challenge:  When the devil and the angel sit on your shoulders, listen to the angel – Listen to God.

Jeremiah 29:11

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For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11.

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This verse has always been one of my favorite verses and now I am leaning on these words from God more than ever as a new season of my life is beginning.  I look back over so many years of my life, so many good times, and I know that this will just be another great chapter.  As always a new season brings apprehension and uncertainty.  As I sit at this juncture and look back at the past chapters and how God has worked then I know that he will walk with me once again through this time.  “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105.

Walking back through God’s plan for my life 

 

I guess my adult story begins with meeting my husband.  God placed a great man in my life.  As I continue to walk through life with him, I pray that I am the mate that he always wanted because I am more than thankful and blessed to have him.  Our story began in May of 1989.   “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.  When we reflect on this time in our life now, we wonder how we made it.  Sometimes being young makes you more resilient.  Although we struggled as a young couple, we endured and entered that next phase of our life in November of 1991 when our first daughter came into our lives, and again in November of 1994 with the birth of our second daughter.

 

Babies

November 1991 and 1994 our family grew and changed me so that I was no longer just a wife but a mother.  God blessed us with two beautiful daughters who to this day we are so proud of.  They are now strong independent woman.  “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 2:6.  Learning to be parents as a young married couple is both challenging and rewarding.  We learned many years later the reward was they left our home while we were still young enough to enjoy life and each other.  Life continued to change as they grew up, entered school, played sports, danced, etc.  While they were still young, I took the steps to receive my Masters in Library and Information Studies.  Leaving the classroom for the school library was a big step but one that has made my career a special place.  I have loved my job.

Next Phase for Everyone

Sometimes their busy lives consumed ours and as they entered high school, my husband and I realized we needed to find each other again.  No regrets on our children and our time with them, but we needed to reconnect.  This became easier as they were older and heading toward high school graduation.  During this time we added Harley to our lives, a new puppy.  Our daughters had lived on a farm with dogs and horses, but never experienced a puppy.  We all fell in love fast!

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Each transition in losing a child from the home was bittersweet, but we reveled in watching them soar on God’s wings.  “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31.  High school graduation came for them both and off to college they went.  Both in different directions to different types of schools.

 

We began enjoying the life as empty nesters and learning to enjoy each other again.  This chapter of our lives was watching our daughters grow into adults and soar while reconnecting with each other and enjoying life to the fullest!  College graduations came and went.

 

 

Our oldest daughter married and entered graduate school while working full time.  Our youngest entered graduate school working full time and Mom and Dad are just not as needed in their lives anymore.

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Next Step

Now, here I stand again at a major life change and a new chapter to write.  But as I wrote these few memories and dug out these pictures, I was able to revisit so many memories from horses to motorcycles, Myrtle Beach to the Caribbean trips, and all those special memories from Christmas to soccer tournaments and golf state qualifications.  We have had so much fun.  Then the memories of my career.  Remember above I spoke of entering the school library and becoming a school librarian.  This career is deeply planted in my soul.   I love the kids, literacy, research, and the learning that happens in a school library, but it is time for me to write another chapter of my life.  I am ready to  hand over these reigns and enjoy day to day life with my husband.

I am planning retirement….

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Yes, I am excited about the future, but torn with the deep love of my job.  I didn’t know it would be this hard to let go, so I lean on my verse again.  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11.   I know that God has plans for my future and has already written these chapters.  I trust in him as I walk this new path.  I trust in him as I venture into the unknown.  I trust in him to show me his glory and that I might have opportunities on this new adventure to share his love and grace with others.

Closing Verse:

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Challenge:  God knows the plans he has for you.  Walk in his Word.