Who Am I?
I have been writing for over a year now, but today I find myself in deep examination of who I am. God has placed me between two verses of scripture. I have had a glimpse into the darkness and ugliness inside of me, and I fear I am a hypocrite. I study His Word and share His Love in my life, yet I hid from others. I lie about who I am, I lie to those close to me by pretending I am someone I am not.
I Am a Sinner
Yes, I am a sinner and have always known that but when God placed this verse he fully reminded me of my sinfulness before I had to face my sins.
Funny, I shared this verse out of social media because it touched me and had lots of responses and reactions to it which now is just a reminder to me of our sinful nature and how haunting it is just as God opened my eyes and exposed my own. I am thankful and grateful for his love in opening my eyes, but I so struggle with the Why? Why? am I hiding my sins knowing the pain it could cause. How did I let this happen?
A Simple Prayer
I pray that God will some how bless these words from a sinner. I don’t usually stop and pray in my writing, but I feel strongly that I need to stop and pray now.
Father, give me the wisdom and strength to shine light on my sinful nature, my lies, and the pain I have caused. Bless these words that from within healing will come and that the truth will cleanse and make whole that which is broken through your grace and love. Amen
Saying this prayer brings the verse that God brought to me today:
I cling to this verse now as a goal for my life. I am headed toward this cleansing by publicly and personally committing to cleaning myself of my flesh and moving toward more holiness. A path I should have already taken in my life. I will walk to this scripture knowing that God promises in Romans 8:28, “We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. They are the ones God has chosen for his purpose,” I cling to these words that I am a child of God and long for Christ in my heart.
Oh the irony of sitting in a class on Ethics and reading this quote today by George Santayana, “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” A stabbing reminder of my ethical sins. As I become overwhelmed and humbled by my unworthiness, I can only fall before the throne and beg for forgiveness for my reckless sins and the hurt these have caused. I am hiding behind God instead of him living within me. The irony continues to drip in this class as I examine my own ethics. How have I been fraudulent to those around me? The words are painful but necessary. I see a sinner and liar in the mirror today but tomorrow I want to see Christ. The only way to see Christ is to seek the truth. As I close I want to share something I really learned in this class today and that is not to just apply the Golden Rule from Matthew 7:12, “Treat others as you want them to treat you.” but maybe just maybe we should treat others the way they need to be treated in that moment. I need to stop and see how my sins affect others around me. Then maybe then I can truly call myself a Christian and feel like one. Sin is hard to bear.
Closing: (Prayer) My Father, may you place the words of truth on my lips and guide me to share my sin of not choosing to follow you but my flesh. Cleanse me and bring Your Glory. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen
Challenge: When the devil and the angel sit on your shoulders, listen to the angel – Listen to God.